HOW TO BE C L A S S Y

QUESTION:

I notice that some young women these days take a lot of time to prepare for going out to the club/bar, but don’t make any effort on regular days. It seems like they go out of their way to impress other people, but they do not have any self-pride. What do you have to say about this?

ANSWER:

I have to say that I notice it too. These tend to be the girls that seriously do not have class. People need to learn that self-confidence is the most attractive think a man or woman can find. Looking to impress or please yourself is the best feeling ever. Which is why I want to discuss how to GET CLASS.

From http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Classy I discovered 16 steps that make you classy. One that I find interesting is: Define yourself with a clean and elegant look. It says “Excellent presentation is half of the battle. Wear clothing and accessories, which flatter your body and never wear anything you feel uncomfortable in. It is important to remember that modesty is key in earning the respect of others. A bit of cleavage may be fashionable, but true gentlemen will appreciate modesty more than exposure.”

There’s also, Be Responsible. People in their 20s don’t understand this. I mean, I understand that 20 something’s should be having fun, but adding responsibility is what makes you different from teenagers. Grow up. A little. Also, Be open to personal development. “Do not berate yourself, but be receptive to constructive change. In our world, change is inevitable. Be a positive and flexible part of it and show others the way as well. Face life rather than burying your head in the sand and others will know instinctively that you are someone whose opinion counts.”

Understanding and accepting the concept self-pride will only come to people when they are ready to. But respect is due (and given) to women that have this. If you ever notice, classy women are more desired than trashy girls. Be a classy woman, and take time all the time to maintain a good appearance at all times. It’s not that difficult.

HOW DO I SHOW MY BOYFRIEND THAT I THINK HE'S SPECIAL WITHOUT SCARING HIM OFF??? COLTON, HELP!!!!!

QUESTION: 

It is my first time having a boyfriend in a very long time, and we’ve been together for 6 months. I want to show him that he is special to me without scaring him off. What should I do??

ANSWER:

First off, I need to point out to you that there MUST be something that he is doing that is making YOU feel special. It is okay, you can blush. First ask yourself what does he do, in particular that is different from your past boyfriends? Is it just the chemistry that you two have? Does he talk to you in a way that makes you melt? To be honest, guys are more emotional than you think. For him to make the effort to woo you (even if it is subconscious) it means that he likes you.

To show him that you fancy him, show him that you pay attention to him. What is his favorite sports team? Who does he admire? What are some of his life goals/dreams (if he has none, break up with him immediately)? Let him know that you know these things! Talk to him about his inner feelings, without pushing it on him. Talk to him about some of his fears, without scaring him. Talk to him about his thoughts, without invading his space. Show him that you are interested in him, without seeming like a stalker. Maintain a balance. Showing him that you care about him will make him realize that you are a very special girl that he will not want to lose.

Small things matter most. Make him breakfast in bed and when he asks “Why?” respond with “Just because.” I don’t know if you and your boyfriend have made love yet, but if you have, or if you’re ready to, run his bath water, which has you in it (bubble bath and candles are optional). Bathing with your boyfriend is very romantic, and it is a very intimate setting. Go for a private walk, and just talk, which is a perfect time for you to ask those pivotal questions that let him open up with you. It is hard for guys to open up emotionally, but when guided just right they become emotionally attached to the people that helped them. It is “security blanket” if you will. If he considers you “special” he won’t have a hard time letting you know what’s on his mind.

If you think he is special let him know some of your thoughts but not everything. Giving a guy your brain in its entirety is what scares him away (that’s the secret). Men (including myself) like mystery and a challenge. In Halle Berry’s Reveal perfume advertisement she says “Every woman should keep a little something to herself… Reveal some things, not everything.” What I am saying is keep a little mystery to yourself until you are 100% sure he is “The One” and you can trust him 100%. Also, unless he is a man that is attracted by aggressive women, tone it down. And don’t scare him by being too emotional.

Hopefully, you make an impression that lets him know that you think he is special without creeping him out. Remember: He already thinks you’re special, Show him that you notice him and you’re interested in getting to know him more, and maintain mystery! Good Luck!

SMALL TOWNERS CAN RISE TO HUGE SUCCESS, TOO! (Look at Oprah!)

Q:           Colton, I am from a small town where I have plenty of family, friends, and a boyfriend. But I also have dreams and goals that I want to accomplish, and I don’t think that it is here in my hometown. I only have one year and I will be finished with school. How do I obtain success, and maintain healthy relationships at the same time??

A:            This is something I know all too well. First off, it is excellent that you are getting an education. Be proud of yourself for that. It is going to be one of your biggest assets when you are on the road to success. Which brings me to my first piece of advice: Know your self worth and your best assets and talents. It’s very easy for friends and family to downsize your worth, because they secretly want you to be down in a rut like them or it may be because they want you to stay with them; just because they are family and friends do not mean they do not have ill wills. Like they say “misery loves company,” and it truly does. Do NOT allow anyone to diminish your self worth. Always have the mind frame “I deserve better” until you achieve better.

Eliminate anyone who doesn’t support you, or at least make distance. Family, friends, and your boyfriend should support your decisions, which is to move out of state and pursue your career. I always say “I originate from my mother’s womb but that doesn’t mean that I will stay there forever.” That means just because you are from somewhere doesn’t mean that you must stay there your whole life. Which leads to my next piece of advice: Take risks.

Life is too short to play it safe all the time. If you play it safe you will always have that question “What if..?” in the back of your mind. If there’s something that you want to do, unless it’s a crime or sin, DO IT! It might be a bad decision, but at least you know that it was not meant to be. Remember: “Always a lesson, never a failure.” And if making this risk makes you a millionaire, make sure you keep in touch, so you can send me a check. Ha, really though, you should only take risks that your heart is in. if your heart and head are conflicting, make your decision based on this question: if you had to choose would you rather have happiness or survival? If your answer is happiness, go with your heart, if your answer is survival, go with your head. (Even though you choose happiness doesn’t mean you can have survival too.)

Wherever you go though, you’ll expand your horizon, make new networks, and best of all: MAKE NEW FRIENDS. Also, if you go somewhere like a city such as Houston, Atlanta, NYC, LA, Chicago, etc. the convenience is amazing. Small towns do not offer that. Opportunity is also in abundance in these large cities, which small towns just do not provide. However, where there is opportunity there is competition, which is the con of a big city. Make sure you are well qualified before making a big step. Hard work, dedication, and ambition together will make you a great candidate for whatever you want to do in life. (Did you notice that hard work was first in that list?)

Good luck on your HUGE transition and I know you can make it!

Before I moved across the country there was a song that motivated me to leave: “Monday Morning” by Melanie Fiona. Give it a listen.

VALENTINE'S DAY: For Women AND Men

QUESTION: 

 VALENTINE’S DAY seems to be geared towards WOMEN in today’s world. But, do you think MEN really want to be included? Also, what is the best place or SPECIAL AND NON CONVENTIONAL thing to do on Valentine’s Day??

ANSWER: 

Yes it is true that insecure women in relationships love them some Valentine’s Day. It is a day that they can feel special, if not any other day. Their man gets them chocolate, flowers, stuffed animals, etc. They swoon over these small (and cheap) gifts and then its February 15. Therefore, I MUST say if you look forward to Valentine’s Day because it is the only day that your man makes you feel “special” that you are not in a good relationship, because he should make you feel like a Queen every day of the week, all year round. I’m sorry if this applies to you but you know what is best to do. Time is of the essence.

If you are in a secure committed relationship, I am so proud of you (and I am jealous). Ha. No seriously, I am happy for you and to be honest, Valentine’s Day doesn’t phase you: it’s just a day in the middle of February that you can spend a little extra time with the love of your life.

On another note, men like feeling special just like women do. Men and women have tons of differences but that is definitely not one of them! Men go through a lot of trouble to impress and keep his woman. So why not do something special for him on Valentine’s Day? Guys like: showing off, food, and knowing that they are special. Get him something that he can show off to his buddies, such as a flashy watch.  Buy him a gift card to his favorite fast food place or restaurant (to be used outside of a date). He will love it. I know I would!! The last thing that I think you should do is get an I.D. Bracelet that has a phrase from a song that you two consider "your song", but nothing too sappy, because he then won’t wear it.

To people who are secure in their relationships: Do something DIFFERENT this year! Make your mate feel like a king/queen. I suggest you show him/her that you notice his/her desires. What is something that he/she enjoys doing? What movies/shows does he/she like? Where does he/she feel happiest at?

Once you answer those questions, you’ll know the perfect Valentine’s Day gift for your mate.

For example my perfect VDay would be making my mate Breakfast in Bed, then giving him a small gift that I know he would enjoy/treasure. Next I would want to go out to eat for lunch at my favorite restaurant followed by a movie, whether it be in the living room or in the theater. Next I'd want to go somewhere we both enjoy, such as bowling. Ending the day with a romantic candlelit dinner would be ideal, but I'd actually enjoy a movie night with pizza.Valentine's Day isn't about what you get or give, its about HOW you spend the day..with a few red hearts in the air.

ALSO I personally suggest going on an exclusive date and then get a “couple’s massage.” The effects of a massage last longer than just one day, not to mention the health benefits, and giving someone else a job in this terrible economy. Also, it will definitely put you in a great mood and will make your Valentine’s Day one you’ll never forget.